I know you shouldn’t generalise, and it’s jolly lazy to bunch half the
population together just to make a point, but I think I’m on fairly safe
ground with this one.
Because pretty much all men have something in common: we were once schoolboys.
Which means we all reach adulthood with an in-built ability to look at
something - anything - and take the mickey. Not all of us use this gift, but
that doesn’t mean it’s not there.
As an ex-schoolboy myself, I am constantly on the lookout for things to poke
fun at. And occasionally the world of travel throws up an offering. Step
forward - or should I say turn left, no right, no, back a bit - the Hotel
Arts, in Barcelona, and its “revolutionary personal GPS”, which promises
guests the chance to guide themselves round the city using nothing more than
a handheld gizmo. No map, boasts the hotel, no guidebook, no need to ask
directions in a foreign language.
I quite like asking directions in a foreign language - in fact, anyone who
doesn’t like it probably won’t like Barcelona much anyway, given how much
other foreign stuff it harbours, such as tapas, sunshine and bars that only
get going long after most self-respecting Brits have necked their 10th pint
and are off in search of a kebab - but the rest of it sounds fantastic. No
guidebook? No map? Awesome. Unless you’ve actually used a handheld GPS
before, in which case it sounds insane, because, frankly, they don’t work.
Not for me, anyway.
At the Hotel Arts - the 44-storey steel-and-glass skyscraper down by Frank
Gehry’s fabulous giant goldfish in the Port Olympic - I meet the head
concierge, Ricard Casimiro. Painful as it is to admit it, his GPS is
amazing.
I tap in Gaudi’s Sagrada Familia and, faster than you can say “Don’t be
ridiculous, it’ll never catch on”, I’m blinking at a big, fat, unmissable
arrow directing me up Carrer de la Marina.
Then “2.5km until destination,” it adds, helpfully. So far, so standard GPS.
But I tap again and several pages of guidebook blurb and visitor information
about Gaudi’s masterpiece appear, along with a list of nearby shops, cafes,
restaurants and museums.
Suddenly, I am all out of cynicism. I am staring at the future of travel. It’s
brilliant, magnificent, simple - it’s how Mr Nokia must have felt when he
spotted his first walkie-talkie. For a good hour or two, Ricard and I fizz
with the possibilities of it all.
Until, that is, I set off to try out one of the GPS’s preprogrammed tours up
Las Ramblas. Where to start? Well, using the GPS in the soft-lit confines of
the Hotel Arts is one thing; using it with a billion-odd watts of
Mediterranean sunshine bouncing off the screen is quite another. Sunglasses
don’t help.
All you get is a slightly dimmer reflection of the sun, rather than something
that might help you find your way around Barcelona. Like, say, a map with an
arrow on it.
The good news, though, is that if you can find a shady street corner and wrap
yourself around the unit in the manner of a vampire enveloping its prey, you
can actually see the screen quite well. The bad news is that this is when
you discover a more serious problem with the GPS: it doesn’t quite know
where it is. Which isn’t what you want in a guide.
It’s okay to start with, confidently counting down the minutes and metres to
our first stop, the Gran Teatre del Liceu. As we get closer, though, it’s as
if it suddenly starts having a turn, wildly guessing at distances in an
attempt to cover up the crisis: “Yes, yes, everything’s fine, 60 metres, go
on, 60 metres, I mean 20, no 15, damn it, I said 70.”
Moving on to the second stop, La Boqueria - which, incidentally, has suddenly
moved a good 50 metres from where the GPS insists it was when he came here
just the other week - I turn to enter the market gates, only for the arrow
to veer violently back on itself, urging me to cross the road and visit -
oh, the irony - PC World instead.
Minutes later, I throw in the towel. I have asked the GPS to take me to Taller
de Tapas, an alfresco cafe I visited years back on Placa Sant Josep Oriol,
right in the heart of the Barri Gotic. To be fair, Ricard has warned me off
the Barri Gotic - its narrow alleys make it tricky for the GPS to find
satellites - but the guide and I have been through so much by now, I want to
give it one last chance to shine. You can guess the rest.
“Proceed to Placa de la Boqueria,” it blusters. Hmm. I look around, and there,
on a marble wall above my head, is a sign that spells the end - “Placa de la
Boqueria”. I am already in the place the GPS has just told me to go. It is a
moment of profound existential confusion. For both of us, I suspect.
Quietly, tenderly, I do what I know is best for everyone concerned. I switch
the thing off.
It is such a shame. I like the idea of finding my way around with nothing in
my pocket but a few euros and a GPS, never more than a couple of taps on the
screen away from locating the nearest tapas bar or gallery. I’m sure it will
happen, too. Just not yet.
On my last night in Barcelona, Ricard leaves a string of breathless messages
on my phone. He has just taken delivery of the latest generation of Hotel
Arts GPS, and this one, he promises, works even in the Barri Gotic. I decide
to give it one last go.
“Bad news,” he sighs when we meet. “Look,” he says, tapping the Go To tab on
the new GPS. Instead of directing me to Sagrada Familia, it powers out. “A
bug,” he whispers, and suddenly he looks so young, so vulnerable, so sad.
Putting it back in its case, he catches the GPS on his cuff.
It arcs into the air and smashes on the lobby’s marble floor. Liquid crystal
pools into a corner of the display and bleeds across the screen like a
mortal wound. I’m sure they taught us how to poke fun at that sort of thing
at school, but suddenly I can’t remember how.
Jeremy Lazell travelled as a guest of Flyglobespan
Travel details: doubles at the super-swanky Hotel Arts (00 34-93 221
1000, www.hotelartsbarcelona.com)
start at £295. The GPS guides are exclusive to hotel guests and cost £9.60
per day.
If you’d rather spend the rest of your break somewhere cheaper, Hotel 1898 (93
552 9552, www.hotel1898.com), bang on
Las Ramblas, is a grand old parquet palace with doubles from £137. At the
budget end, Hostal Oliva (93 488 0162, www.hostaloliva.com)
is a tiny, top-floor, family-run cheapie overlooking Passeig de Gracia,
Barcelona’s swankiest ’hood. Doubles start at £49, with ensuite doubles from
£63.
Airlines flying to Barcelona include Flyglobespan (0871 971 1440, www.flyglobespan.com),
EasyJet (www.easyjet.com) and British
Airways (0844 493 0787, www.ba.com ).
MORE GPS TOURS
45-to 90-minute tours of Lisbon’s highlights. It costs £19.70 for the first
hour, £15.75 for the second £14.20 for each of the next three and £78 for
the day, through GoCar Tours Lisboa (00 351 210 965030, www.gocartours.com
). Pick up at Rua Douradores, in the Baixa district. The service is also
available in Miami, San Francisco, San Diego and Barcelona.
By bike: available from seven tourist offices in the Loire Valley
(Bouchemaine,Saumur, Gennes, St-Mathurin-sur-Loire, Angers,
Chalonnes-sur-Loire and Montjean-sur-Loire), Cyclopedia mounts onto the
handlebars of your bike to guide you along a 40-mile stretch of the Loire à
Vélo trail around Angers, the most chateau-tastic stretch of the river.
Visual and audio commentary on places of interest are included, along with
quirky gimmicks such as a birdsong guide. It’s free, with a £200 deposit.
Contact Angers tourist office (00 33 2 41 23 50 00, www.angersloiretourisme.com
).
By hiking boot: launched this summer at the InterContinental
Berchtesgaden Resort, in Germany (0870 400 9650, www.
intercontinental.com ; doubles from £228), the InterContiButler GPS
guides guests around the cultural and geographical highlights of this
spectacular national park in the Bavarian Alps, including Lake Obersee and
Mount Watzmann (8,900ft), Germany’s second-highest mountain. It’s free for
guests.
Some months ago we decided to spent a weekend in Barcelona, and purchased one "pack" in LeMeridien Hotel which included an audioguide of the city using an Ipod, from the company Playandtour. Simply fantastic! Easy, useful and very interesting! we are going to use it again in future destinations
claudia, tarragona, spain