Jack Malvern in Southwold
Get 20% off your bill at Pizza Express
The one place Gordon Brown is likely to feel at home when he takes his holiday in the Conservative heartland of Southwold is waist-deep in the sea. In a town where a beach hut can fetch £80,000 and a fish supper costs more than a tenner, the icy brown breakers and sole-puncturing shingle would seem reassuringly austere. And Mr Brown is likely to be in a particularly austere mood, after the by-election drubbing Labour received in Glasgow last night.
Even on a cloudless July day this week only single-minded holiday-makers emerged from behind their windbreaks to venture into the bracing chill of the North Sea. If Mr Brown were to risk such a public spectacle it would be the most courageous moment for a Labour leader on a beach since Neil Kinnock toppled, fully clothed, into the surf during a photo opportunity at his party’s conference in Brighton in 1983.
Residents of Southwold and nearby Walberswick, the two closest settlements to Mr Brown’s holiday destination near the Suffolk coast, were in one voice when asked about the Prime Minister’s visit: he will not find himself among friends, but he should be left alone to enjoy himself.
The most hostile reception may be at Southwold’s Swan Hotel, where some guests who had booked rooms telephoned with the intention of cancelling until they were reassured that rumours of Mr Brown staying there were false. No guest has complained about a forthcoming visit by the Prince of Wales next week.
The Prime Minister is likely to receive a warmer welcome in Walberswick, where celebrity residents come in a variety of colours on the political spectrum. Sir Clement Freud, the broadcaster and former Liberal MP, and Martin Bell, the white-suited former independent MP, both have homes near the village. Other homeowners include Paul Greengrass, who directed The Bourne Ultimatum, and Richard Curtis, who is married to Sir Clement’s daughter, Emma.
The village, where residents offer home-grown courgettes for sale at the roadside with an honesty box for payment, is a chocolate box come to life. Wild roses curl around doorways of fishermen’s cottages and children cast lines for crabs from a footbridge on the way to the beach. If Mr Brown takes the two-minute drive through the village he will pass two pubs (The Bell and The Anchor) a pair of tea-rooms (The Parish Lantern and The Potter’s Wheel) and a handful of boutiques with names like The Old Curiosity Shop.
Even the wildlife is prosperous in Walberswick. The bird table at The Bell spills over with unpecked brown bread. Paul Ireland, the landlord, would welcome the Prime Minister, he said. "As long as he bought me a pint. The amount of taxes I pay here..." He trails off, suggesting that a pint of Adnams, the local ale, would settle any ill feeling.
Mr Brown and his family will not be starved for entertainment, judging by the village notice board. A poster for Family Bingo promises cash prizes, "continuous bingo from 6pm to 8pm" and "home-made snacks". He may wish to avoid the Conservative Fete on August 9, but he would be welcome this weekend at the Walberswick Horticultural Show, at which there is a women-only shortlist for the Iris Blois Memorial Cup. Entrants will vie to grow the best rhubarb and beetroot, and bake the finest savoury tart.
The fiercest competition may be in this year’s special category: ginger nuts.
Southwold’s Electric Picture Palace, a cinema built in 2000 but with affectations of a bygone era, is catering for an audience of a certain age with Swallows and Amazons and Shall We Dance, a film starring Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers described as featuring "some amazing roller-skating".
The Summer Theatre, also in Southwold, is preparing for the end of its run of Salad Days, the twee 1950s musical in which graduates sing "piano" so that it rhymes with "guano", and will raise the curtain on Murder Mistaken, a melodrama on the topic of inheritance.
Sue Doy, an usherette at the theatre said that Mr Brown’s political abilities should be forgotten during his visit. "I think he should be left alone on holiday," she said. "He’s no difference to any of us."
The only visible preparation made for the Prime Minister is an enclosure drawn in the sand on Southwold beach marked "reserved for Gordon Brown". Pip Piper, a 48-year-old nurse from Norwich, claimed responsibility but said she was not an admirer of Mr Brown. "I was going to kick sand in his face. I’m very upset with Labour. I expected more after ten years. He has got to come out and be generous with the people of Southwold. If he did come down here and had a swim I’m sure he would enjoy it. If it was him and Sarah and their two children then they would have a great time."
Industry sectors news at a glance. Interactive heatmap, video and podcast
The inside track on current trends in the charity, not for profit and social enterprise sectors
Explore your passion for food with the delights of Thai, Indian & Chinese cooking
Read our exclusive 100 Years of Fleming and Bond interactive timeline, packed with original Times articles and reviews
Everything the Business Traveller needs to know to make a better trip
Shortcuts to help you find sections and articles
05/2005
£13,500
08/2008
£109,950
2006
£10,750
Great car insurance deals online
£100k
The National Skills Academy for Social Care
London
£49,229 - £62,035 pro rata
Charity Commission
London/Liverpool/Taunton
£75k - £85k
Confidential
London
Six Figure
Rolls Royce
Midlands/Europe
From £89,950
Great Investment, River Views
$3.5 million
Also avaliable for rent
Times Online Property Search will help you find it
Amazing Far East Offers - Visit Hong Kong
from £499pp
Cruise the Islands of Hawaii - Pride of America
List your property with two leading travel websites
Great travel insurance deals online
Contact our advertising team for advertising and sponsorship in Times Online, The Times and The Sunday Times, or place your advertisement.
Times Online Services: Dating | Jobs | Property Search | Used Cars | Holidays | Births, Marriages, Deaths
News International associated websites: Globrix | Property Finder | Milkround
Copyright 2008 Times Newspapers Ltd.
This service is provided on Times Newspapers' standard Terms and Conditions. Please read our Privacy Policy.To inquire about a licence to reproduce material from Times Online, The Times or The Sunday Times, click here.This website is published by a member of the News International Group. News International Limited, 1 Virginia St, London E98 1XY, is the holding company for the News International group and is registered in England No 81701. VAT number GB 243 8054 69.
Having spent cold, wet winter days on the hustings in campaigns with magnificent Southwold Tories, I fear that Mr. Brown will find the solidly Blue landscapes far more frigid than the predicted 23C temperature! Why, he will probably be just as freezing cold as his post-Glasgow cabinet meetings.
Bob Evans, Anaheim, California